It is applausable if you strive to make your own world beautiful and awesome but the truth is that negativity does exist too. Negative emotions like fear, anger, jealousy, disappointment and so on are part of everyone’s journey…we all experience them and this is completely normal. What my goal is not to magically erase them for you, but rather to give you practical advice on how to deal with them when they occur as well as how to avoid them whenever you can. Just remember that we can control only our own actions and this is what the post will focus on today.

 

 1.  Problem: You don’t like someone

        Solution: Don’t pretend you are a friend

 

We are one of the generations which saw with their own eyes how the Internet changed the world. It came with plenty of benefits and quite a few drawbacks bundled up together. The Internet gave us the freedom to connect instantly, but also the convenience of hiding behind computers while communicating. Social media became a second nature to us and we started exposing pieces of our lives on a daily basis. If a person does or says something on their social media that annoys you; posts too often…whatever the case may be, don’t throw negativity at them but also don’t try to cope with something that really annoys you. Fundamentally, everyone has the right to freely express themselves so you cannot be complaining about that, you are free to leave at any time.  This applies not only to people who you know, but also to public figures who you follow.  They do not want to receive judgmental comments and you should not become one of those people who leaves them either. The easiest, acheless  way is to change your settings so that you do not see what those individuals are up to or better unfriend them…obviously you are not on the same page.

Same principles apply towards real life friendships.  If some people provoke negativity in you and you do not take the proper measures then there are two possible outcomes: to drink up a cocktail of negative emotions every time you are nearby those individuals or to become a two faced person that nobody likes to be around. Isn’t life going to be so much easier if you surround yourself with awesome people who share your values? Yeah, I thought so too.

 

 2.  Problem: Something bothers you

        Solution: Communicate it with the person involved

 

If you have some misunderstanding with someone or something bothers you, just communicate the problem with them…easy as that. Even if sometimes you feel that the other person should initiate a conversation, just don’t wait too long. Place the ego aside and start talking. I know sometimes could be hard, but remember you are doing this, first, for yourself so that you can stop stressing out and, second, to eventually save a worth-keeping friendship/relationship. It is important to try to fix things up and not just to throw them away when a difficulty occurs. If after the conversation the same problem appears again or the person seems to not trying to change things up, then maybe it is time for more drastic measures – cut off this person from your life but communicate your decision with them beforehand. I know how hard it could be to take such actions, but it is even harder to continue trying to work out a friendship/relationship which is an obvious dead-end street. Life is too short to dedicate so much time to people with whom you are either not compatible or grew apart along the way.

 

 3.  Problem: You’ve heard a negative comment about yourself

        Solution: Move on

 

Who doesn’t want to be liked…of course, we all do and if someone speaks ill of you, it will be foolish of me to claim that it will not affect you. However, try to focus on yourself and people whose opinions really matter. At the end of the day the most important is to love yourself and to be happy with your lifestyle choices. Even though it will be ideal everyone to approve and support you, it is unrealistic.  There are two scenarios: if the negative comments come from a person who you know or a person one you don’t. If you know the person, and you have not done anything to provoke such a reaction in them, then you will be affected more. The likelihood of this happening behind your back is close to 99.9%. The other scenario is if you don’t know the person. Many times this happens online because people, who leave negative comments, feel sheltered by their computers. In this case it is very unpleasant because obviously you have nothing to do with it, meaning that most likely they have some internal problems with which they cannot deal properly so they rather redirect their excessive negative emotions elsewhere. In both cases you have a choice to confront them or not. I understand very well how hard it can be to leave something like that behind your back as nothing happened, but sometimes it is just not worthed going forward with it. When you think about it, what are the chances of something good coming out of a confrontation with a negative persona who is judging and insulting a complete stranger to them? I would say, not too high, so it is up to you, but I also understand that it feels good to speak your mind. In the other occasion if you know the person you can ask them directly if you have insulted them unintentionally which provoked them to talk behind your back, but let’s be real it will be extremely rear if the person admits they did it because they envy you or whatever their problem may me…most likely, they will deny. So do you need such a person around you…I don’t think so.

 

 4.  Problem: Real life haters

     Solution: Just don’t bother

 

This point will be very short and quite obvious. Just don’t hang out with people full of hatred, envy or negativity. It is very easy to detect it by their comments about others and their attitude towards life in general. Nothing good will come out of this…simple as that.

 

 5.  Problem: You have a bad day

    Solution: Handle it gracefully

 

To have a bad day once in a while is inevitable…you didn’t have enough sleep, things didn’t go exactly the way you planned them to...there might be quite a lot of reasons which lead to a bad day but there are proper ways to deal with it without trying to drown everyone around you. Often when you do not feel at your best, you tend to be more mean resulting in an insult usually towards your loved ones which you regret later. It is sad, but we feel too comfortable around those people, to the extend we think we can behave the way we want at any given time and even though that is a comforting thought, it might also result in a lot of regrets if we do not know how to handle our bad mood. Knowing myself, I came up with a recipe for my bad days. If I have one, the moment I go home, I say to everyone “I had a bad day and I will talk about it later. In the meantime, I will be in the other room because I need some alone time.” This usually is enough information so that people around you know what is going on and they give you your space. When they don’t know what is happening, they will want to chat about ordinary stuff or ask what is the matter and this could irritate you even more. Their reaction is normal because they care about you and they would like to comfort you if they can but if you set the boundaries up front nobody will cross them. Again, this is my way to deal with a bad day…to take my time to reflect on what happened by myself in a quiet room. For others this “cure” might involve going to the gym, listening to music, talking about it immediately. Whatever works for you…do it! Just don’t be insensitive about the people who love you the most only because they happen to be around.

 

Let me know if you found those tips helpful and share with me what are your ways to reduce negativity around you. Life is too short anyway, enjoy it!

 

Keep it stylish inside out.

Sofiya


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